Favourite Quotes


   
. Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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  Steve Martin  
. What ho! I said.
What ho! said Motty.
What ho! What ho!
What ho! What ho! What ho!
After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.
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  P.G. Wodehouse
My Man Jeeves
 
. My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.
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  Samuel Johnson  
. Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life.
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  Cecil Rhodes  
. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
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  Douglas Adams  
. In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. So the only difference between myself and the believers is that I am skeptical of 2,500 gods whereas they are skeptical of 2,499 gods. We’re only one God away from total agreement.
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  Michael Shermer  
 
 

 

. We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.
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  Winston Churchill  
. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
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  George Carlin  
. War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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  Ambrose Bierce  
. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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  Emo Philips  
. Felix: Oh, bollocks!
Elmo: Dog's bollocks?
Felix: No, just plain fucking bollocks!
Elmo: No dog involved?
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  Robert Carlyle & Samuel L.Jackson
The 51st State
 
. My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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  Billy Connolly  
 
 
. The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.
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  Stephen Hawking  
.......
. [Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!
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  William Shakespeare
Henry IV: Part 1
 
. It was my Uncle George who discovered alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.
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  P G Wodehouse  
. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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  Al McGuire  
. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?
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  George Carlin  
. It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
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  Harry Hill  
. How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child.
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  William Shakespeare
King Lear Act1, Scene 4
 

 

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